Musings on Ellyrian Reavers

[Arondight]

Q: Why do Ellyrian Reavers wear those stupid looking feather-things?
A: Zis? Ztupide? Non non non! *Pats feather proudly* Zis...Zis iz zee panaché! Et iz heart, zoul, and zpirit of zee Ellyrian Reavarz. Every Reavar worz 'iz zalt vears zee "fay-thar," az you ztrange vuman-child callz it proudly, zee!

Q: Um. What's with the accent?
A: Vat accent?

Q: Nevermind. Is there a reason why you do not wear armour?
A: Armor iz...'ow shall ve zay et. Uncomfortable. Ve do not like et! It chaffez and iz itchy. 'ot in zee zummar and cold in zee vinter. Can't vipe sveat from eyes, zee - armor prevents us from reaching 'ankies. Ever vunder why Zee Zilver Helmz are alwayz ticked off? Zat be zee reasun.

Q: What do you use for armor then?
A: Zilken Undervear, ov course! Our undergarmentz are made from zee finest zilkz, grown from zee Everqueene'z court, or imported from zee far Orient!

Q: ...What?
A: Zilk iz a vary tough zubztance!~ Arrowz cannot eazily penetrate zee zilk from a long diztance. You realize zat zomtimes zee zilk can even hold zee arrowz in place, allowing zee arrow to be drawn out by pulling zee zilk, right? Plus, *wink* You zhould meet zome ov zee ladies.

Q: Maybe later. Another question. What's that bow you're using, and what could you guys do?
A: Zee recurved bow? And ahm. Allow me to demunztrate.
(Interviewer blinked. The Ellyrian Reaver in question had just shot the feathers off a diving sparrow at around ~350 feet during full gallop.)

Q: .....(Interviewer has momentarily forgotten the question she was supposed to be asking.)
A: Oh. Zis? Iz nothing.

Q: (Regaining composure) About that shot -
A: *Proudly* Mark IV, 'eat-zeeking infrared narrow-'ead, for zmall, flying targetz. Auto-'omes unto target vith zree feet. Normally uzed for African Zwallows vith a common airzpeed velozity ov ~450 ft. Ve 'ave arrowz for all occazionz. Vuld you like to zee ze vun zat firez 'undreds ov zrowing ztarz?

Q: Um. No thank you. Vut - I mean, What do you Reavers do in your spare time?
A: Ve zing zongs, dance, or ve charm vumen.

Q: ...Excuse me? O_o
A: Ve bringz a love for life to everyvun. Being cavalierz do have itz perks, you knov? Ve taught zee Bretonnianz zeir "Knightly Love." Ve also invented zee large fay-thared 'atz zat are vary popular in zee Empire.

Q: I see. Speaking of which, how many men did you have with you? I thought you were riding to the aid of -
A: Men? Zilly vuman-child, ve are vun elfe, VUN ELFE! Vat, are you blind?

Q: We're running a little short on time here. Is there anything else you'd like to tell us?
A: Vell, vun zing. Ve are -not- perverted! It iz true zat ve oogle zee ladiez, but unlike many otherz, ve actually care about zem az people! Voe betide anyvun 'hu vrongs vumen - vell, vhen ve aren't vatching, anywayz.

[Allerion]

Q: (Regaining composure) About that shot -
A: *Proudly* Mark IV, 'eat-zeeking infrared narrow-'ead, for zmall, flying targetz. Auto-'omes unto target vith zree feet. Normally uzed for African Zwallows vith a common airzpeed velozity ov ~450 ft. Ve 'ave arrowz for all occazionz. Vuld you like to zee ze vun zat firez 'undreds ov zrowing ztarz

I assume that is an unladen swallow?

[Musashi]

Q: Why do Ellyrian Reavers wear those stupid looking feather-things?
A: Zis? Ztupide? Non non non! *Pats feather proudly* Zis...Zis iz zee panaché! Et iz heart, zoul, and zpirit of zee Ellyrian Reavarz. Every Reavar worz 'iz zalt vears zee "fay-thar," az you ztrange vuman-child callz it proudly, zee!

We've also no sense of taste.

Q: Um. What's with the accent?
A: Vat accent?

Botched attempt at purifying the language.

Q: Nevermind. Is there a reason why you do not wear armour?
A: Armor iz...'ow shall ve zay et. Uncomfortable. Ve do not like et! It chaffez and iz itchy. 'ot in zee zummar and cold in zee vinter. Can't vipe sveat from eyes, zee - armor prevents us from reaching 'ankies. Ever vunder why Zee Zilver Helmz are alwayz ticked off? Zat be zee reasun.

They also accuse us of riding on the wrong side of the road.

Q: What do you use for armor then?
A: Zilken Undervear, ov course! Our undergarmentz are made from zee finest zilkz, grown from zee Everqueene'z court, or imported from zee far Orient!

We even put silk knickers on our horses.

Q: ...What?
A: Zilk iz a vary tough zubztance!~ Arrowz cannot eazily penetrate zee zilk from a long diztance. You realize zat zomtimes zee zilk can even hold zee arrowz in place, allowing zee arrow to be drawn out by pulling zee zilk, right? Plus, *wink* You zhould meet zome ov zee ladies.

Apparently, going commando is not all it's cracked up to be.

Q: Maybe later. Another question. What's that bow you're using, and what could you guys do?
A: Zee recurved bow? And ahm. Allow me to demunztrate.
(Interviewer blinked. The Ellyrian Reaver in question had just shot the feathers off a diving sparrow at around ~350 feet during full gallop.)

Q: .....(Interviewer has momentarily forgotten the question she was supposed to be asking.)
A: Oh. Zis? Iz nothing.

Statistically, we are bound to hit something, sometime.

Q: (Regaining composure) About that shot -
A: *Proudly* Mark IV, 'eat-zeeking infrared narrow-'ead, for zmall, flying targetz. Auto-'omes unto target vith zree feet. Normally uzed for African Zwallows vith a common airzpeed velozity ov ~450 ft. Ve 'ave arrowz for all occazionz. Vuld you like to zee ze vun zat firez 'undreds ov zrowing ztarz?

Shooting a snail at 10 feet is harder than you think, look at that es-car-go and the bloody frogs won't stay still; our culinary tastes are the most refined in Ulthuan.

Q: Um. No thank you. Vut - I mean, What do you Reavers do in your spare time?
A: Ve zing zongs, dance, or ve charm vumen.

Entrancement and mesmerization being required credits.

Q: ...Excuse me? O_o
A: Ve bringz a love for life to everyvun. Being cavalierz do have itz perks, you knov? Ve taught zee Bretonnianz zeir "Knightly Love." Ve also invented zee large fay-thared 'atz zat are vary popular in zee Empire.

Also in the popularity stakes, Ellyrian letters.

Q: I see. Speaking of which, how many men did you have with you? I thought you were riding to the aid of -
A: Men? Zilly vuman-child, ve are vun elfe, VUN ELFE! Vat, are you blind?

Apparently, cannot count to four.

Q: We're running a little short on time here. Is there anything else you'd like to tell us?
A: Vell, vun zing. Ve are -not- perverted! It iz true zat ve oogle zee ladiez, but unlike many otherz, ve actually care about zem az people! Voe betide anyvun 'hu vrongs vumen - vell, vhen ve aren't vatching, anywayz.

We insist on seeing two forms of picture ID before going out on a date, and the results of a recent medical checkup.

[Tuor]

When will you do one with Silverhelms?

[Allerion]

When will you do one with Silverhelms?

probably once they become, you know, useful

but seriously, since these musings are all funny, please do one when you get the time.

[Arellion Sapher]

Hilarious. Good job, madam.