A wise decision!

[Facade19]

Me? Well, what trite musing shall I confess to you to maybe instill into you a better sense of what has transpired over the last conversation. Hmm, well I finally took the moral exam on Saturday and am now, besides waiting for the dreadful Bar results, have now in addition to surmount enough strength to endure a possible repeat of this cursed exam.

Other than that I slept most of the time, now having completely abandoned the futile job hunt, as I noticed that all my attempts were after all unfortunate and vain. So, to distract my inner distaste of this fruitless efforts I turned to sleep to soften the burden that this unemployment, or rather this surging pouring of uselessness that has inundated me with as of late, try to calmly dream away all my worries.

But as you can notice by now, even that juvenile enterprise failed to materialize. So, yesterday I opted to watch anime- a show called Welcome to the NHK - which I happened to find on netflix. Intrigued as I was with the synopsis, I struck the opportune moment to further dull my senses with more mindless engagements. However, having completed the entire 24 episode show and having been emotionally and psychological moved to such an extent that memories I tried to suppress and lock up have been resurrected and now, among the other countless disturbances that I had to already deal with, a certain longing has stirred trouble within my soul.

To counter this dreadful endeavor that I thrust upon myself I met with Mike, whom I presume you might recall, who like both of us had the misfortune of having attended our school. As it was working and to distract myself for an additional few hours we dragged our listless beings into a nearby electronic store and coffee shop. But, now, having been reading a novella (or rather am in the process), an urge to turn to a poetic aspect of my otherwise talentless and worthless self has dictated me to pour out my misgivings unto you, the unfortunate being that has decided to listen to them, or whom Fortuna has ordained to do so.

I cannot believe that even though I know that this foolish and childish, I will not entertain the thought to delete this message, as somewhere deep down I want you to have a good glimpse of who this being you signify as "Me" is or can be. You see, now that I am honest, and maybe a bit dumbstruck, and here I would like to point out that I should once again think things over and reconsider what I am about to do, I must admit that I developed feelings for you at some point in time way before you ever mentioned him. And, though I should have taken some initiative and maybe should have grown a pair, I opted to formulate some needless story that I have developed some feelings for a random girl that I may have seen for a second during our summer review course. And I alluded to that fact with cryptic phrases such as "Read between the lines."

But I am not blind and I understood you do not reciprocate these feelings. And quite frankly, that is fine. I just needed to get this out of me so I can sleep without any remorse tonight. Though, at least I gave you some laughter.

Oh well, I like the dramatic.

But, at the same time, now that physical distance, in addition to emotional distance has actually removed me from cloud seven, I am not even sure what to make out of all this. All I know is that I felt something and am glad that I am telling you about this. Maybe it is meant as a cathartic exercise to purge these regrets from me, but lets face it, I never was good with these sort of things - developing feelings and nurturing them, or maybe to grow up. Strange as it may seem and otherwise bizarre, and I hope you do not find this ostentatious or frightening, I just wanted to say that otherwise I am well.

What more? Well, living at home has become a drag and I have not seen my best friend since he married last year. Crazy is it not? I have not seen him for over a year.

I guess I need to nourish more friendships, but I am even too lethargic to properly commit myself to this.

So, in the hopes of having totally made an ass out of myself, I respectfully respond to you.

P.S. In all seriousness, I hope that everything works out for the best in the end between you and her. Let's face it. It sucks dealing with the insurance company. But you tried your best to avoid this.