Why I Should be Forbidden from Gardening.

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Laicamir
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Why I Should be Forbidden from Gardening.

#1 Post by Laicamir »

The Saga of Great Gärddën War

It was a glorious day, a Sunday in fact. I headed into the fray against a great peril that beset my lands. Great and high were my enemies, one many headed as a hydra and the other had a thick and armoured trunk that no normal blade stood a hope at piercing. Undaunted I charged at the great foe.

In anticipation of this battle I had procured an ancient weapon. Hanndsöre, the blade of tree-slaying. It was an odd blade, serrated and useless at stabbing but I had been informed that it was the bane of my foe. Alas the beast had many sharp limbs that would shear through my cotton armour with no effort and I could not approach close enough to use this rusty old blade.

In dismay I retrieved the weapon which had served me so well when I had fought the Diirthiils in a previous campaign. While some mocked it for it was very cheaply made I found it to be a most worth blade. It had a long wooden shaft upon which resided a slightly angled flat metal blade with which the cleave my enemies in twain. It was called the Löng Shövvël.

With each strike of that great polearm did I cleave the thin limbs of that many headed foe yet I could do naught but chip away at the hide of its foul companion. Soon I was soaked with the sap of my enemies and the path to the heart of the many headed beast was clear.

It quickly fell to my blows but with its death it shattered and I was dealt a painful wound from its splinters. Its evil roots still remained entrenched in the earth itself however at this time I forsook their removal in favour of a renewed assault upon the thick and mighty foe how still stood.

For many hours did we do battle. Though I bled from many wounds he poured sap from more still. Just as I began to grow weak, the skin almost rubbed from my hands, a resounding blow shook him and exposed how weak he had become.

With the last of my strength I plunged my blade into his great wound and used it as a mighty lever. With this stroke my foe was overcome and hewn to the ground. Later his carcass was quartered quite savagely and thrown into a mass grave in the land of Rüübïssh'Düümp. With his death I gained new vigour, I set myself to removing all of the roots of their evil.

For many hours I did battle on, carving chunks from the ground itself around my foe. However he would still not budge at all from his place. In desperation I set out to the far corner of my realm, to the ancient and dark fortress of Gärddën'Shhëdd. He I retrieved a mighty and ancient metal, a rod carved wholly out of steel. It was the renowned Bar of Crows, much longer, straighter and thicker than the blades which now hold that title.

I took this mighty tool back to the battlefield and after a mighty struggle pried the first of the evil roots from the earth. The second took much longer but as darkness began to descend upon my lands I finally hewed him from the ground.

With that my enemies were vanquished and I was coved in sap and glory. I returned to my castle to rest.

... and thus told is the tale of how I cut down a tree with a shovel. ^_^
[color=#400080]'What errand have you, Dark Elf, in my lands?' - Curufin[/color]
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Elessehta of Yvresse
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Re: Why I Should be Forbidden from Gardening.

#2 Post by Elessehta of Yvresse »

Well played Sir, a very entertaining account of heroism.
[url=http://www.ulthuan.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=34506][i]Lord Elessehta Silverbough of Ar Yvrellion, Ruler of Athel Anarhain, Prince of the Yvressi.[/i][/url]
[quote="Narrin’Tim"]These may be the last days of the Asur, but if we are to leave this world let us do it as the heroes of old, sword raised against evil![/quote]
The Silly Dragon
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Re: Why I Should be Forbidden from Gardening.

#3 Post by The Silly Dragon »

I am going to start calling my shed a fortress now! :lol: Though albeit a not so sturdy one.

I enjoyed reading and would love to hear from more of your exploits. But I have to say I am very much in shock that you cut down a tree with a shovel :shock: How is that possible? *goes and buys a shovel to try it himself*
[b]War. War never changes [/b]
[i]dum spiro, spero...[/i]
[b]"Humans are strange creatures, in a world of such fascination and wonder they have managed to invent boredom"[/b]
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Laicamir
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Re: Why I Should be Forbidden from Gardening.

#4 Post by Laicamir »

Thank you both very much! ^_^

It certainly was not a massive tree, it was kinda small for a tree but I still had to hit it for half a day. (I finally got white iris seeds and I HAD TO PLANT THEM)

Reading this you would have suffered what all my friends have been recently, I have developed a habit of randomly speaking like a ridiculously over enthusiastic fantasy narrator. It really annoys them when instead of going to buy mustard we "go on a perilous and glorious quest to retrieve a supply of the mighty golden condiment of kings so that our noble feast of sandwiches might be covered in glory".
[color=#400080]'What errand have you, Dark Elf, in my lands?' - Curufin[/color]
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Re: Why I Should be Forbidden from Gardening.

#5 Post by The Silly Dragon »

Laicamir wrote: "go on a perilous and glorious quest to retrieve a supply of the mighty golden condiment of kings so that our noble feast of sandwiches might be covered in glory".
You see I would not be annoyed as I would love that myself as it would be such a great laugh! I would join in too, "On the way to our destination we would be hounded and hunted by the fearsome and relentless beeggarrs of Sydwalk! Where we would have to fend them off with our own weapons of sparee caich. But through our own blood, sweat and tears we would have a feast that no other but the Gods themselves would know! Huzzah!"

Not as good as you though :wink:

Also why did you plant them? In some 5-10 years you will be doing your quest again! "alas thy foe is dire and shall return with an army. Prepare yourself"
[b]War. War never changes [/b]
[i]dum spiro, spero...[/i]
[b]"Humans are strange creatures, in a world of such fascination and wonder they have managed to invent boredom"[/b]
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Re: Why I Should be Forbidden from Gardening.

#6 Post by Ferny »

Laicamir wrote:Soon I was soaked with the sap of my enemies...
So this bit made me actually lol :lol:
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Laicamir
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Re: Why I Should be Forbidden from Gardening.

#7 Post by Laicamir »

Thank You! ^_^
I am glad you found it amusing.
The Silly Dragon wrote: "On the way to our destination we would be hounded and hunted by the fearsome and relentless beeggarrs of Sydwalk! Where we would have to fend them off with our own weapons of sparee caich. But through our own blood, sweat and tears we would have a feast that no other but the Gods themselves would know! Huzzah!"
That, my good sir, was truly glorious.
We I able to I would relish the opportunity to go on such a worthy quest with you!

The plants I planted are not more trees but some flowers, easily hewn and hacked should they dare rise against their lord!
[color=#400080]'What errand have you, Dark Elf, in my lands?' - Curufin[/color]
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