I find that writing a fantasy story is a little bit more difficulte than a Sci-fi, but that shouln't be a reason not to try. Bare in mind english is not my native language.
Aswyn felt so tired that keeping the eyelids open was a struggle, exhausted to the brink of unconsciousness he forced himself to put the right foot forward once again. He had walked for two days. His mind was still in a state of shock and he had a hard time to comprehend what it was that had happend, and the loss of blood made him shiver. Finally he saw some lights at the end of the forrest, is it human houses he wondered. But as his body collapsed into a group of ferns that question was left unanswered.
- Father look, Jim cried out
Tom went to what it was his young son was so eager for him to see, he stoped when he saw Aswyn. It's one of them pointy ears, Tom told his son. He carried aswyn to the outskirts och the village and lay him down in a grass grove just outside his house. The grass was quite tall so Aswyn was slighty concealed. Look at this, Jim had Aswyns bow in his hands. Put it down Tom demanded and Jim handed over the bow to his father. Tom noticed the fine ornaments on it, and some strange writting. He continued to lay the bow beside Aswyn. Tell your sister to come out with a cup of water and a pice of bark bread Tom said. Jim looked at his father with a concerned look and asked: should we not carry him inside and lay him on our guest bed? -No, Tom said. Our hospitality only goes so far with them Pointy ears. Alva came out with the water and the slice of bread. Father she said with big eyes, I think mr. Pointy is hurt. Tom saw that too. I'd be right back, go and get your mother, and try to patch him up, he said. Tom walked up on a narrow path that ended on the side of a small road. As he continued to walk, the road became wider and houses and stores started to emerge in the distance. The main steet was full of life, horses with and without carriges, children playing in the steet and drunks getting thrown out from the bar. He said hello to the store keeper who brushed the stairs into his store, he continued and walked past the brothel and just as he saw the doctors house he turned right, into a narrow side street with tall wooden planks on each side. Further down the road there were a little white house. He stoped at the door and knocked. -Come in, a voice shouted.
Tom walked in. The old mans face turned into a smile, Tom he said, so good to see you, welcome, please do sit down. It is good to see you to Cas he replied, where is you lovely wife. Jill is out purchasing some thred Cas said, so what brings you here. Toms face hardened, I need a doctor he said. Tom you know I am retired, Cas said, there is a nerby doctors house on the main steet, John is the best apprentice I ever trained. Well it isn't exately human, Tom said. Well Cass replied with a smile, I am no animal doctor, all I know is how to debone them and fry them over open fire. It's not that either Tom continued it's a pointy ear being. An elf here Cas said with a suprised voice and sat down. I remeber it like it was yesterday he continued. I was a young medic at the time, assingned to a regiment. We came under a hevy arrow rain followed by abrutal attack from the sand skeletons. They slaugtered us down to 20 men from a whole regiment he said and swallowed a drink he had poured for himself and Tom. But right out of nowhere the elfs rode right into their right flank. And from the left flank the efls rushed in with two-handed swords which they swung with lightning speed, they saved our lives. And I learned new medical technics when I saw how the elf docktor patched up his fellow elfs. I feel that I have a debt to repay Cas said as he packed his medical bag. He wrote a note to Jill and he and Tom went out of the door. Cas looked at the elf, he has lost a lot of blood he stated, I can fix him, but whether he survives or not, is up to him. He looks so fragile Jim said as Cas finished the last stiches. The seaguards are a tuff breed Cas said without taking his eyes from Aswyn. Look he's turning and tense up Alva said. Nightmares Cas said, and as long as he have them he is still alive Cas replied.
Aswyn was reliving the horendes battle he'd been through.
First rank, second rank fire at will. Arrows filled the sky turning it black, until they rained down over the undead. Bolt throwers placed on mounds and hills fired and reloaded as fast as they could. They don't die a new recruit screamed as some stood up and with arrows all over their bodys and heads. The spearmen stood in a perfect formation as the unded rushed in, they collided in a ferocious crash. Spears pierced the first rows as the undead hurled themsels at the spearmen. The first wave of seaguard meet a legion with the champion in it. Aswyn fired two arrows into a undead before his shield meet his axe. He trust his spear through the body of the undead and into the skull of the undead behind him just as he was getting up. He noticed that the spear was stuck, he tried to loosen it but failed. He drew his sword and rushed on jumping over dead friends. The formation had been broken up, dead bodies lay eveywhere on the blood soaked ground and the foul stench of death covered the battlefield. Order had turned into chaos. Aswyn knocked two undead with his shield and at the same time beheading another enemy. The champion tore down a great eagle with his fist and snapped the neck, he then used it to beat the other great eagle he hed taken down a while earlier. Aswyn was parrying a sword as he sliped on fresh blood and fell down. On the ground he used a dead friend to parry the next blow, as the sword tore another lethal wound on the dead seguard. This gave Aswyn time to get back on his feet to swing and cut right into the neckbones of the undead, with a blow from his shield the tilted head flew of the body. All of a sudden Aswyn feels a burning pain from his left shoulder as a undeads sword tears through it and finally stops when hiting Aswyns bones. In an excruciating agony Aswyn could no longer hold on to his shield and drops it. In the undeads belt a freshly killed elf is hanging in his hair, the undead make another attack. Aswyn leaps to the right and cuts of the undeads sword hand, he then bend his knees ducking for the shield, and then drives his sword right through the undeads throat and skull. He pulles back the sword and cuts of his friends hair, the elf head falls to the ground, right before the undead. The now few remaning seaguards and a swormaster is making a push to reach the champion. The swordmaster cuts the throat of the undead holding the banner and his banner pole in a single cut. The champion swung his bir greatsword with speed and accuracy and the first row of elfs lost their lives. Aswyn charged the champion parrying his attack and throwing his knife in the champions thigh which was enough distraction for getting in range. The championdid however aticipate his next move and parryed his attack and cut Aswyn in the side and with such a force that he was sent over the cliff. The last thing he saw was that the swordmaster and the seaguards throw themselves at the champion. A big firtree stoped his speed, he then bounced from the firtree onto a couple of oak branches. He then fell gently down to the ground numb all over, filled with agony, shoked and very disoriented.
Aswyn came to. He could see a great eagle next to him and a crowd a bit futher away. By the door stood an elf with a golden armour, when the sun rays landed on it the armour lit up as if it was the sun itself. He recognised the noble, it was Glandur. -Please accept these gifts as a token for our gratitude for your help and kindness Glandur said to Tom. Glandur handed over a beutiful matercrafted bowl with fresh meat in it, a bottle of their finest wine and a snow white fur from a white lion. Tom was speechless, but managed to say thank you. Aswyn was lifted onto the great eagle and on Glandurs signal it stated to fly. The doctor told me that you would recover Aswyn said Glandur. The enemy are they all dead asked Aswyn, but if they live, he continued, I want to take revenge. Gladur smiled they are the living dead Aswyn he said. They are both or niether. The eagle flew high over the treetops and the valley shifted colours as the sun began to set. Let me tell you what happened Glandur said.
A short story about Aswyn
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A short story about Aswyn
Look behind you, a three-headed monkey
Re: A short story about Aswyn
I like the way you phrase things in your story, but I might have a little advice, if I may; try signifying what is said and what isn't. It's often hard to make out when people say things and when it's exposition.
I always use " " to indicate when people are talking, I think that would make it a lot easier to read.
Other than that; nice work, I'd love to see more of it~
I always use " " to indicate when people are talking, I think that would make it a lot easier to read.
Other than that; nice work, I'd love to see more of it~
[img]http://i547.photobucket.com/albums/hh480/Dernaile/oacau0ek.jpg[/img]
Re: A short story about Aswyn
Thank you for the kind words and the helpful advise Raithial.
The next time I type, I'll use the " " to let the reader know when someone is talking.
The next time I type, I'll use the " " to let the reader know when someone is talking.
Look behind you, a three-headed monkey