The Asur Classified Ads

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Arondight
Posts: 82
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2008 12:58 am
Location: Into the mists.

The Asur Classified Ads

#1 Post by Arondight »

"Illiterate? The Department of Asur Education wants to help YOU! Please write us today so we may help you!"

"Used Tombstone. Perfect for someone named Morach the Beastmaster. One only in good condition - only one previous owner. Please contact Korhil at 1093 Roaring road, Chrace, Ulthuan."

"Wanted: Excavation team to go find Caledor's ship. Must be willing to travel great distances and face obscenely large sea critters with many teeth. Great treasures await. Loss of limb or life almost guaranteed. Contact Bel-marnne the Sea Guard Captain for details."

"For Sale: One (1) Large sword plunged in stone. $49. Must be able to pull free from stone on your own. Ask for Caradryan at Phoenix Temple. Expect written reply within four days.

"Found: Angry blue dragon. Very large. Seems to be looking for home. Please Help, is burning up mansion!!"

"Need: 10 dragon princes, 1 dwarven organ gun, and a bretonnian zepplin for practical joke. Are you willing to help? Call [long string of elven numbers here]"

"Lion for sale. Will eat anything and is fond of small children and kittens. Contact Korhil for details."

"Lost: Stormwing. Large griffon with black and white fur and feathers. Scar on left eye. Last seen in Tor Yvresse archery range. Contact Warden's office if seen."

"Charioteers needed. Nights and weekends, irregular hours during wartime. Must have good driving record and no objections to running down hapless druchii with well-trained war-lions. Apply in person at 1093 Roaring road, Chrace."

"Former Lord of the Shadowlands: Having successfully disrupted more than enough druchii's businesses involving Ulthuan, I am now seeking a legal and legimate part-time job to support myself and my girl when war isn't around.

Business experience: Co-owned and participated in one multi-national trade company with over 190 ships, four gryffons and two dragons. Successfully smuggled more than 150 million tons of incense and various other goods into Ulthuan. Company was destroyed during the kinship wars with Malekith. Been employed part-time since.

Attributes: Expert in assassinations, martial arts, all levels of security, moving undetected, seduction, courtly rituals, and the throwing of deadly black roses. I am personable, outgoing, well-educated, reliable, clean, and remains sober at all times. Received public notice and numerous awards for saving Ulthuan on eight various occasions. I am well travelled, and speak high and low gothic, Druchii, Bretonnian, Asrai, Asur (Caledorian, Nargarythe and Sapherian dialects, respectively), Dawi, in addition to at least four different tongues of demons. References available from Phoenix King, Captain of the Phoenix Guard, Korhil, the White Tower, and etc. Inquire as needed.

Please direct reply to: A. Anar. Shadow Box 482, Ulthuan Arcane Post, undisclosed, undisclosed, classified."
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Colors are fragrant, but they fade away. In this world of ours, nothing live forever. Today, let us cross into the realm of reality, and let there be no shallow dreaming.

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Original Dragon Prince
Posts: 199
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Location: caledor (louisiana, u.s.)

#2 Post by Original Dragon Prince »

As the holidays aproach, we at the Saint Aenarion Unemployed Veterans Foundation ask that you would remember the lonely, unemployed silver helms that can no longer find a place in the armies of Ulthuan. This holiday season, they will huddle together in boxes, army cases, and display shelves while their comrades march forth to glorious battle. Your donations go directly to these veterans and their families and are tax deductable. As a free gift for your donation, the Hershey's Chocolate Company has agreed to send you a bag of Hershey's kisses in the shape of silver helms.
Warhammer, at it's core, is a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. As long as all choices in an army book fall under these categories, with their inherent strengths and weaknesses, there is balance. Imbalance occurs when the designers make a Rock that is immune to Paper. Daemon Princes, Ironblasters, etc.
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Musashi
Posts: 2024
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2008 12:56 pm

Re: The Asur Classified Ads

#3 Post by Musashi »

Arondight wrote:"Illiterate? The Department of Asur Education wants to help YOU! Please write us today so we may help you!"

It's a trap. White Lions are falling short of their recruitment goals and need suitable candidates.


"Used Tombstone. Perfect for someone named Morach the Beastmaster. One only in good condition - only one previous owner. Please contact Korhil at 1093 Roaring road, Chrace, Ulthuan."

Aren't Dark Elves wakes about dining on the cooked remains of the deceased by friends and families? Tombstones seem superfluous.

"Wanted: Excavation team to go find Caledor's ship. Must be willing to travel great distances and face obscenely large sea critters with many teeth. Great treasures await. Loss of limb or life almost guaranteed. Contact Bel-marnne the Sea Guard Captain for details."

Bring your own scuba gear.

"For Sale: One (1) Large sword plunged in stone. $49. Must be able to pull free from stone on your own. Ask for Caradryan at Phoenix Temple. Expect written reply within four days.

Warning: successful drawing of swords in stones may cause disruption in local political environment.

"Found: Angry blue dragon. Very large. Seems to be looking for home. Please Help, is burning up mansion!!"

Last representative sent by PETA was eaten.

"Need: 10 dragon princes, 1 dwarven organ gun, and a bretonnian zepplin for practical joke. Are you willing to help? Call [long string of elven numbers here]"

Dragon Princes are always needed.

"Lion for sale. Will eat anything and is fond of small children and kittens. Contact Korhil for details."

Needs new home and environment, having exhausted local supply of children and kittens.


"Lost: Stormwing. Large griffon with black and white fur and feathers. Scar on left eye. Last seen in Tor Yvresse archery range. Contact Warden's office if seen."

Wanted: reliable onboard GPS module for large creature with audio option.


"Charioteers needed. Nights and weekends, irregular hours during wartime. Must have good driving record and no objections to running down hapless druchii with well-trained war-lions. Apply in person at 1093 Roaring road, Chrace."

No fault insurance provided by employer.


"Former Lord of the Shadowlands: Having successfully disrupted more than enough druchii's businesses involving Ulthuan, I am now seeking a legal and legimate part-time job to support myself and my girl when war isn't around.

Business experience: Co-owned and participated in one multi-national trade company with over 190 ships, four gryffons and two dragons. Successfully smuggled more than 150 million tons of incense and various other goods into Ulthuan. Company was destroyed during the kinship wars with Malekith. Been employed part-time since.

Attributes: Expert in assassinations, martial arts, all levels of security, moving undetected, seduction, courtly rituals, and the throwing of deadly black roses. I am personable, outgoing, well-educated, reliable, clean, and remains sober at all times. Received public notice and numerous awards for saving Ulthuan on eight various occasions. I am well travelled, and speak high and low gothic, Druchii, Bretonnian, Asrai, Asur (Caledorian, Nargarythe and Sapherian dialects, respectively), Dawi, in addition to at least four different tongues of demons. References available from Phoenix King, Captain of the Phoenix Guard, Korhil, the White Tower, and etc. Inquire as needed.

Please direct reply to: A. Anar. Shadow Box 482, Ulthuan Arcane Post, undisclosed, undisclosed, classified."

Have obtained Naggoroth Court Injunction against psycho ex-girlfriend, so this factor won't hinder future employment.
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[color=red]Surprise is an event that takes place in the mind of the enemy commander[/color]
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[i]But this did not surprise them, for as it is written in the Great Elven Book of Knowing:[/i] Isn't life just one bloody thing after another.
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