1913

Have a story, then you come here.

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Facade19
Posts: 402
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2004 11:57 pm
Location: In the city of pigs

1913

#1 Post by Facade19 »

Nostalgia, Nostalgia

Uncanny, so tasteless
I still distinguish
this flavor.
On top of this hill
where our eyes first met, where our souls ignited,
as we blazed.
One look in your eyes
reveals so much
that even my blindness
cannot hide.
One look in your eyes
the fear is too obvious to neglect
as the wind blows
and splits our hearts apart.

But words are spoken
and when they are meant
they are more powerful
than the strongest intent.
And as they are said
they make out of lovers
the worst kind of friends.
Knowledge of we are,
yet such contempt
the greatest margin by far
the strangest attempt.

What words could ever
be some sort of answer?
When times are hard
there is no one to respond
so we just allow
ourselves to wander afar.

But when words are hurled
they then start to sink
to the point
where the fondest memories
stink-
where all you seek
is an escape
from the memories, which
yesterday
you wanted to keepsake.

Give me one more moment
in this continuum
of space and time
to recapture
the one soul
I buried away.
Spartan
Posts: 481
Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2004 8:34 pm
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
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#2 Post by Spartan »

Hmm, I'm not sure about this one. To me, the last stanza is the poem; the rhythm there seems so much more deliberate, the words so much more meaningful. As much as I try to reread it and find a complete coherency, I really have trouble getting past the relative vagueness of the poem's majority. There is, I think, a certain beauty in that vagueness-- but it seems so much more passive than the final stanza. Perhaps it's the rhyme scheme; there are some end rhymes that work spectacularly, like "yet such contempt/ the greatest margin by far/ the strangest attempt." There's also a lot of slant rhyme that works tremendously well upon close examination. However, I think that overall the rhyme takes a good bit away from the poem's intent; many of the lines with end rhyme seem to be shoehorned into the poem for that sole purpose. Iron that out and I think it would be much easier to convey a more coherent sentiment.


Anyway, no offense intended; just trying to help :) . I really do love that last stanza in and of itself, and I think it says something about the poet that I can pick out such enjoyable gems in one of the few poems I have trouble identifying with :D . Keep up the good work, Facade.
[i]"To contemplate letting the alien, the heretic or the traitor win just to save a few million lives is the worst kind of heresy, because it is clad in the mantle of good intentions."[/i]

"I am Aenarion's heir, not Aenarion himself. My fate is my own."
-Tyrion, Champion of the Everqueen
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